I've been caught up in a deleting frenzy since Friday. For once, in the three years that I've been working, I cleaned out my office mailbox. I deleted unnecessary mail in all my email accounts. I've even deleted some entries here that made me go Ick when I read them earlier.

Out with the old indeed.

Truth be told, I should spend less time online and more time reading the books I bought. I think I still have 23 unread ones. Yes, I keep track. The book I am currently reading has made me weep with relief twice already. It's not one of mine; my friend Cyril lent it to me. Its title is History of Love by Nicole Krauss. A certain passage I have come across made me stop reading it for a full hour because it felt so painfully accurate and made me say, That's the way it was. Exactly. It's extremely validating to be reminded that I am not the first and the only one who has experienced these necessary losses.

Oh and I've been writing again. Not blog posting, but writing. I started just this morning and have already filled up around 6 pages of my company notebook. Am looking forward to buying a new Moleskin soon.

Also, I guess I need more time to write the way I used to. Need is the operative word. I need to be less focused on what other people might think and concentrate more on what I think. I need to truly write for myself, without pretention but with more pride. I need to be more honest and open. I need to remember why I started writing in the first place. I need to find that strength that has been so evident in me when I was younger, less structured. I need to see things clearly and not be afraid of the things I would see. I need to be needed less.

I need to relearn my life.